Change…

The word “change” has got to be scariest word on the planet. Even the idea of change sends shivers down the average persons back!

I have a girlfriend who has the ability to see people’s aura’s and she says that when she see’s a green aura she knows there is change of some sort coming for them. She was seeing my aura as green for a long time over the past year, and all I wanted to do was to try and slip out of my own energy field and run as fast as I could.

The thing is though, and we all know this…life never stays the same. Never. Children grow up and move on and out. Hairstyles change. Fashion changes (as a teen in the 80’s I’m ever so grateful for this one!) Landscape’s even change.

Why is it that our first response to change is bone chilling fear?

Not a single one of us has a magic eight ball to give us a clue what’s coming tomorrow, and yet tomorrow is pretty relentless and shows up anyhow. It’s happened every single day since the beginning of time and yet we still, as a general rule, abhor it.

As a species we have a pretty terrific fear response.

We have it because at one time in history, we needed to know how to avoid the saber-tooth tiger that could potentially drop into our path to initiate that whole fight or flight thing. There aren’t any saber-tooth tigers anymore, but there is a crap-tonne of stuff that our brains like to alert the alarm system for anyhow. In order to keep us safe.

The thing is unless you’ve experienced something before, your brain has no frame of reference for safety and alerts the panic button.

When you are used to life being in a certain way, it feels familiar and safe. When change or even possible change looms, it sends our emotions into a tailspin. We feel a range of emotions from full on fear and panic, to sadness and depression.

In February, life as I knew it was abruptly halted. It forced some decisions that I had been putting off for the fear of change. I literally spun my wheels lamenting the choices in front of me to the point where I felt powerless and stuck and completely unable to make a decision.

Thanks, Fear!

So I decided to make just one decision and see where the dust settled from that one.

The decision was to move back home to the Brighton area. First domino down. My house finally made it up for sale and sold. Second domino down.Then a house showed up that I liked. Third domino down. And I’m still alive to tell the tale. I put an offer in and it was accepted. Phew.

Then I knew I needed to find a job. When I had decided that Brighton was on the path, before I put the house up for sale, I had literally said out loud, “Wouldn’t it be lovely if a place like the Birdhouse came up for sale?” Not sure why I said that. It wasn’t up for sale. I think I just knew that I like working for myself rather than for someone else. Never thought about it again. Sold the house. Bought the new one. Planned a trip for France. I had some time to kill and I needed to stay somewhere. Why not France? It wasn’t so scary. I’d been before!

Then I saw The Birdhouse was up for sale. What? And then I dropped it from my mind.

That’s another fear response by the way. Complete apathy.

Because then you don’t have to deal with it all!

So there I was at in Belleville doing a book signing and I see a note from my old school chum Tracy. She couldn’t make it to the signing because she was working that weekend. At The Birdhouse. So I thought – I’ll go to her and see her. And I did!

I’m laughing now as I remember this! I go and see Tracy, who I’ve only had contact with through the magic of Facebook since high school. I love her. Truly. And it was fantastic to see her.

But there I am standing in the middle of the beautiful store and my brain starts reacting. I remember my words I put out to the Universe. And the first thing my brain says? You can’t do this. The very first thing. And so I walk out of the store and proceed on my way back home to Milton.

And I then had several birds dive bomb my car on the 401. True story.

My brain says, again, “You can’t do this!” Stupid brain.

And then 3 woodpeckers showed up in my life. A massive Pileated Woodpecker. She dropped in front of me on a hike about 20 feet away. I have never seen one up close and personal before and I’m shocked at the size of her. And I’m humbled and grateful that she even showed up.   Then 2 more woodpeckers show up at my house, banging on it. The first is a Downey (I think – small, with a flash of red). The last one I think was a Hairy, who I went out and had an actual conversation with. Guess what I said to him? “You can’t do that!” I was referring to the banging racket he was causing.

To which he full on looked at me and then turned and banged the soffit again.

I guess he was telling me that he, in fact, can.

Another cool thing about woodpeckers is that when you look at the spiritual meaning of them, it implies that there is an opportunity knocking on your door. My woodpeckers were clearly trying to tell me the universe’s message about The Birdhouse.

I’ve lived a lot of my life in fear. I admit that freely. And I’ve also in the last 3 years promised myself to no longer live that way. There has been so much change in my life I’ve had a lot of exercise in this department and I’ve not always succeeded at the first go at it. It’s really really hard to not let fear take you down.

It’s really very hard to be brave ALL the time.

But I decided to listen to the birds and told my fear to shut up.  And after a whirlwind of circumstance, I’m pleased to say that The Birdhouse will be mine as of October 1st of this year. Am I scared? Yup? But I’m going to do it anyways. I have a lot to learn. I have huge beautiful shoes to fill. There are still changes coming, decisions to be made, and at the moment I haven’t a clue about any of it.

I recently listened to a talk by Kyle Cease, where he asked someone, “Can you fall in love with the unknown?” Gulp. Thats a big pill to swallow, but when I breathe into it, and really consider it, it’s a beautiful, anxiety-ridding, fear-killing idea.

 

Did you miss the last blog? Read it here!

Have you seen how “The Princess and The Whale” came to be published? It’s a pretty cool story in itself! Watch it from here!

Don’t have your own copy of “The Princess and The Whale” yet? Check it out here!

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